Cybil Discourse

Untouchable

2011-12-30T05:50:00.000-08:00

How often do you touch another human being? How often are you touched by another person?
Perhaps you are a parent of young children, or you have a lover, or you are a caregiver. This question then may seem very weird to you.

I am an untouchable. I am fat - who wants to touch that. I'm old, but not old enough to be considered non-sexual. I am a woman who has worked her entire life in a male dominated industry, where touch has become dangerous. I am a NY'er, our reserve is legendary. I am a recent emigre' so I do not have a history with the other folks in my community.

Listening to an interview with Russell Banks about his book Lost Memory of Skin, it dawned on me how easy it is for me to go a whole day without touching anyone. Not even accidently. Though I work directly interacting with the public, I mostly never touch them. If it happens it is the accidental touch of our fingers as I hand them their change.

How common is this? Certainly I can think of other outcasts in our community who probably find this to be true. The smelly homeless guy. The crazy street lady. But how common is this amongst people who seem to lead ordinary lives? And what does it mean for society that it is so prevalent?

I am nervous to mention that almost all of my human contact is with children. Will you assume I am a pedophile? Or will you recognize that I am a Grandmother whose grandchildren are still young enough to freely hug an old lady?

Mirror Image

2011-10-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

I came upon this review for a new book, "The Woman in the Mirror" by Cynthia Bulik PhD.

Many women-regardless of income, size, shape, ethnicity, and age-are uncomfortable in their own skin. We fixate on our body image and try endless diets, implants, hair extensions, and new shoes, but it's never enough. The problem is that girls and women have been socialized to mistakenly conflate body esteem and self-esteem. Body esteem refers to how you think and feel about your physical appearance: your size, shape, hair, and features. Self-esteem refers to how you think and feel about your personality, your role in relationships, your accomplishments, and your values-everything that contributes to who you are as a person.

So far - so good.

The Woman in the Mirror goes beyond typical self-esteem books to dig deep into the origins of women's problems with body image. Psychologist Cynthia Bulik guides readers in the challenging task of disentangling self-esteem from body esteem, and taking charge of the insidious negative self-talk that started as early as when you first realized you didn't really look like a fairy princess. By reprogramming how we feel about ourselves and our bodies, we can practice healthy eating and sensible exercise, and focus on the many things we have to offer our family, community, and job. Bulik provides us the tools to reclaim our self-confidence and to respect and love who we are.

Wait - what was that?

By reprogramming how we feel about ourselves and our bodies, we can practice healthy eating and sensible exercise....

Did anyone proof read this review?

So in the end - if you by this book - you too can be skinny and fit.

So much for disentangling our self-esteem from our body esteem.

Getting Over Married

2011-09-25T05:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my 34th wedding anniversary. I went to work. Took a nap. Went out for pizza with a friend and my granddaughter. Then came home and went to bed.
Beyond that - I obsessed over the idea that my husband, was blithely passing the day away with his new honey totally oblivious to the life he had thrown away.
Most of the day wasn't too bad. Interacting with customers kept my mind mostly off of the anniversary cards that I wanted to deface and send to him. The evening with my friend kept our conversation around local issues. And at first I was tired enough to sink into sleep, comfy under the quilt.
Then, after the initial exhaustion had worn away, came the tossing and turning. My daughters were out partying. With my blessing and encouragement at a charity event that I did not wish to attend. Loud music is not, and really has never been my thing. They are oblivious to the days significance, having long since moved beyond it.
Not me - oh no. I reviewed my wedding day, or rather that night. We spent our wedding night in my Aunt's camper van, on my parents lawn. We couldn't afford a honeymoon, and we needed to be around to do barn chores. We had planned our wedding to be between haying season and corn harvest. Weeks of rain had kind of messed that up,but our day turned sunny and nice, for our indoor/outdoor reception.
These years were supposed to be a return to our beginnings. A time when I could finally turn my attention back to my farm after retiring from an exhausting career that had turned completely sour. Instead, the rat bastard, stuck in the knife, twisted it and stood there smiling. Bitter? Yeah. I am.

There goes the Weekend

2011-09-03T05:35:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to be in the Adirondacks by now. When the kids were little I'd have the gear all packed and the canoe tied to the top of the car or truck and we'd hit the road ASAP when work was done. We've even arrived at midnight and camped on shore, uncomfortable in the car, and paddled over in the morning.

Then things got complicated. Even as teenagers the girls had jobs which usually took over their weekends. Retail doesn't stop, so holiday weekends meant mandatory hours for the young staff. One daughter often worked in restaurants and they certainly don't close on summer holiday weekends.Then came grand-kids. Their schedule had to work in too, including getting Dad to give up one of his weekends.
Now one daughter doesn't want to go if all we are going to do is sit in the woods, so her daughter doesn't want to go if we're not going to the amusement park. An old story, but now that my daughter is an adult she can be adamant about it. So she and our car and my granddaughter have headed to NYC.

And me I'm heading off to work. Yeah. Crap.

Columbus Day - I'm outta here.

A tent by myself if need be.

I'm gonna get out of the city and into the woods.

430 am cool and quiet

2011-09-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

As the summer has waned and morning light has come later and later, so have I slept. This morning I woke early and so, fed the cat, made my coffee and walked the dog at 430. I'm so glad I did.
I've had several days of poor sleep due to the traffic outside my window. By the time the bar crowd finally makes its way home there are only a few good sleeping hours, except on every other Monday when the garbage trucks start early.
It was so nice out this morning. The air was cool and I made it all the way around the block before I heard my first car. From my porch, when it is quiet you can just hear the waterfall as background for the crickets and peepers. Since it is still dark now, the birds have not yet begun their song.
Soon one, and then another vehicle came by. The parking lot across the street is a meeting place for many contractors, so the diesel pickups are rampant. I don't know why, but those pickups are louder than dump trucks. Even a small car is disruptive, the squish of tires on the road and the rumble as the engine revs to bring the car up and over the knob at the intersection.
As the sound of the vehicle slowly recedes the song of the peepers emerges and you can hear the breeze and early morning rain on the leaves of the trees. By 530 the constant thrum of commuter traffic is enough to drive you inside. Even trying to have a phone conversation is impossible.
By 9 things have subsided a little. The neighborhood has emptied out and now it is generally delivery vehicles and buses. Still, the magic is lost. My brain takes on the hum of hubbub, and my pulse is up. No peace now until after midnight.

Down in CNY

2011-08-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

I am incredibly depressed right now. I'm not sure exactly why, but the weather is likely to be a big part of it. As I have aged I have discovered that barometric pressure can really alter my moods.
There are a few social reasons for it also.
Last night a busload of people arrived at the bar across the street. These revelers were obviously already loaded and needed to go to a coffee shop, not somewhere to top it off with more booze. Of course it got loud. Since smokers bring their drinks out to the stoop to smoke and drink.
Sitting at my desk I became aware that one middle aged man had left the group and was accosting a group of young men. Apparently they had the temerity to try to walk across the parking lot on their way from the basketball court at the school, to their homes down the street.
One young man refused to be intimidated. He didn't holler back. He got on his phone and called his Mom. I went out in front of my house in case the intoxicated person got pushy. He was being energized by his friends up at the door to the bar. Finally he went back to them and I went up on my porch.
The young man waited in front of a neighbors house for his ride.
After a few minutes Mr. Intoxicated realized the kid was still there. He started yelling obscenities and I told him to watch his mouth. At that point my neighbor who was watching from her living room quietly said she had called the police.
Four squad cars showed up. By that time the young man's ride had come and gone, and the rowdiness was the upscale, drunken white folks from the bus tour. I'm not sure what came to pass but they were all asked to go inside since drinking on the sidewalk is technically not allowed.
Need I mention who was white and who was not? Who was from the neighborhood and who was probably former University grads who think they own the world because they can afford to rent a bus for a day of revelry? Yeah I didn't think so.

The other thing that has me pissed off is this stupid recurring post on Facebook, often all in caps.

Thank you Florida, Kentucky, and Missouri which are the first states that will require drug testing when applying for welfare. Some people are crying and calling this unconstitutional. How is this unconstitutional? It's OK to drug test people who work for their money but not those who don't?… Re-post this if you'd like to see this done in all 50 states and Canada!!!

or this one

F YOU CROSS THE N.KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY~YOU GET 12YRS HARD LABOR! IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHANISTAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU~GET SHOT! IF YOU CROSS THE.U.S.BORDER YOU GET~A JOB~A DRIVERS LICENSE~FOODSTAMPS~WELFARE~A PLACE TO LIVE~HEALTHCARE~HOUSN~CHILD BENEFITS~EDUCATION N TAX FREE BUSINESS FOR 7YRS. NO WONDER WERE A COUNTRY DROWNIN IN DEBT!! RE~POST IF THIS PISSES YOU OFF!!

Yes, this post pisses me off.

What is it with the war on poor? You must be a drug crazed, lazy assed criminal, and of course, if I'm wealthy it must be because GOD has shone his golden light of glory on me because I am such a wonderful person.

sheesh

What cost success?

2011-08-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to be successful? From a biologist's point of view it means to live long enough to successfully reproduce. For a species it means having enough members successfully reproduce so that the species continues. Similarly for a tribe, or herd, it means to have enough members to continue.

I have a cousin who runs his own business. It's small. Often struggling. He could probably do better financially working retail. But he loves his work. He loves his work, he pays his bills, and he has enough for some of the fun things in life. Isn't that success?

Oh - and he makes the world a little better, happier

or more friendly - every day.

I understand his house is not up to par with what most folks think is necessary (never seen it for myself). Does that matter? If it's adequate for him and his spouse, isn't it a success?

When I retired from my high pressure job I made a choice to live well within my means. My basic needs can be covered by my small pension. I have a part time job which provides me with food, clothing, entertainment. In this economy I chose to work part time so that someone who had a family to care for could have the full time job I might otherwise take.

Am I not successful?

I met a man through my work who gave up working. He gave up the constant struggle and pressure of working and is happier for it. I hope to speak with him again. I'd like to know more. I think he meant he had enough to provide for himself, and so he stopped trying to scramble up that ladder we call success.

We keep hearing about the death of the middle class. Maybe we should let it die. Corporations have power over us because we are scrambling to achieve a certain level of living that we have been trained to believe is success. And it is never ending. As soon as we get that house in the good neighborhood, the SUV and the golf clubs, we see something else that we "need".

I recently read an article about Endicott Johnson, a CNY shoe factory. The owner felt that his workers should be well paid, have benefits and that he should contribute to the community. Interestingly the union was suspicious of this. The union felt these perks were intended to make the employee feel grateful and therefore indebted to the company.

I can tell you that a good job is its own shackle. If you hate the job, or the job becomes oppressive or abusive, it is difficult to leave because, where will you find another job that pays as well or has the same benefits.

Maybe we would be better off, emotionally and socially if we simply called their bluff. What if we were content with what our grandparents or great grandparents had. Do we really need more than a sturdy roof over our heads, a warm bed and a chair to sit in, enough food to keep us healthy, and the proverbial pot to piss in?

If we let go of the race, stop running the treadmill, "the man" won't be able to Lord it over us anymore. Instead of going with our plate in our hand and begging for more bread, he'll have to come to us and say "mow my lawn, polish my silver, please". And if we aren't stressing over that next car payment or getting the new xyz phone, we can think about it, consider it, and say yes - or no - depending on our needs or wants.

Certainly our clamoring for the good life has been detrimental in the long run. The quest for stuff has left us with huge garbage piles, chemical waste leaching into our water, traffic and bad air, and less time than we'd like with our family. The stress itself is killing us, and sending us stumbling after the pied piper of big pharma, big food etc.

As I made dinner last night my family eschewed the TV for the front porch. My granddaughter rode her scooter around the block and entertained some passing friends. Neighbors out walking their dogs stopped for a chat. And my daughter was able to squelch a particularly dangerous form of entertainment some youngsters have been subjecting the neighborhood to.

Seems like that is a better life than the one found in front of a 60" TV with surround sound.

All You Can Be

2010-12-01T04:29:00.000-08:00

I was talking with a compatriot several decades younger than myself about the messages we get as children. I wondered what the vagaries of difference in the message, if any, might be between those who grew up in lower and middle income areas, and those who grew up amongst the top of the ladder both economic and social. The conversation took an interesting detour.
I was talking about the message that "you can be anything you want to be", "you can do anything", given hard work and dedication.
This message rang loud and clear in my childhood. It was everywhere, from school to scouts, church to TV programs. Yes I knew that I was probably never going to be an Olympic gymnast -but- the apple hung out there IF you cared enough and worked hard enough, you could try.
That was even the patriotic message, that in the US you were free to try. In my day there were even scholarships and grants to make that college somewhat within reach. Or you could work your way through.

My friend didn't get the same message. The message was there , but half-hearted. Something you said to kids, but didn't really believe. I'm trying to remember TV from the 80's. Was it part of the message there?

Now I went to school during a wonderful, inspirational time in US history. JFK, Martin Luther King, the Feminist and Civil Rights movements, NASA put a man on the moon. Many of the people of my parents generation were the first to graduate High School and thanks to the GI Bill many had gone to college. And of course our economy was growing.

My friend went to school after these great leaders had been killed. The civil rights movement was stuck in recalcitrant racism. Income levels were flat for the average worker, but we hadn't yet defined the problem (Reagan was telling us we were better off). Feminism had put women to work, but hadn't leveled the playing field either in wages or home and child care. Divorce had soared and a generation learned that families and marriages were easily broken.

I grew up with Leave it to Beaver, my friend with The Simpsons.

Are these the reasons for our difference in perception, or was I simply naive and my friend more cynical? I'd like to hear from folks of all ages. What was your experience as a child?

Water Water Everywhere but No Place to Swim

2010-07-29T07:28:00.000-07:00

I live in the center of the Finger Lakes Region of NYS. At the tip of one of the largest lakes that is fed by a multitude of streams which cascade down the hills cutting gorges which end in streams flowing through town to the lake shore. As a matter of fact, I live within 20 blocks of the lake shore, and within a block of one of these splendid creeks.
The city or town has a beautiful large park at the foot of the lake with a long sweeping shoreline. Swimming has not been allowed there since the 1960's when a child drowned because the turbidity of the water prevented him from being seen. I have not been able to find via Google search the cause of that pollution.
The myriad creeks are all walled off from the public. Some of this is natural from the creeks cutting deep gorges into the shale formations. This loose shale is a dangerous climb though many do it every day, Perhaps because of the lack of safe access provided? In other areas cement walls have been built presumably to maintain flood control and to provide a strong and wide roadway for cars where once were narrow lanes to houses along the creek.
The creeks could provide numerous small swimming holes for all the neighborhoods in the community. Not great swimming but a place to cool off and relax with the kids. Instead the city has two crowded pools. One actually in town, the other in the outskirts, across a major highway and through a difficult intersection. Not the best place for those of us who choose to live the car-free life.
There are numerous State Parks in the area, but the powers that be, in their wisdom, stopped running busses to them, or the busses only run during the work day.
There are two places where I believe swimming is technically prohibited but apparently ignored. One at the foot of a waterfall on the edge of the city but within the downtown neighborhood, and the other further out along the lake. Many folks use this access when the weather is too hot to handle. Surprisingly the lake access is near a new facility that many folks feel contributes to the pollution and specifically the turbidity of the lake. Go figure.
I had assumed that one reason for the lack of access had to do with municipalities knee-jerk fear of law suits. We are always told that we can't have this or that because of "safety issues" that might cause "law suits" and increase "insurance premiums". Yet these access points to swimming have been used for generations and the city, town and county still stand. The falls access is sometimes closed for emergencies when a body flows downstream from a more hazardous location. Perhaps safe access to more locations would prevent most of the accidentals.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

2010-07-11T13:18:00.000-07:00

I went to see the Swedish movie "Män som hatar kvinnor", based on the book "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Stieg Larsson. I had read the book a year or so ago, and had heard about the film from co-workers, so I knew it was a disturbing and violent film.
I am not sure how I would have reacted if I had not read the book. I loved the film. What I liked most is that the film was gritty. Unlike American films the actors had flaws, they did not look plastic. Nor did the scenery. The buildings looked as if they actually existed warts and all. The movement of the characters looked real.
One effect of this reality was to portray the sexual violence as violent. To my sensibilities this film evoked the very disturbing nature of sexual violence. This film has a scene of sexual violence against a man. It is very graphic.
Watching that scene made me think about why men just don't grasp the reality of sexual violence aginst women. I realized that it is because most men do not experiance it. If you are a woman who is fortunate enough to have not been raped, assaulted or abused, you most likely know several women who have.

According to RAINN: The nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization.

1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. (1 in 33 men)
Every 2 minutes someone in the US is sexually assaulted.
44% of sexual assault victims are under 18.
15% are under 12.
Only 6% of all rapists ever spend a day in jail.

See the film. Afterward, think about that scene. Look around you and think of 1 in every 6 guys you know having experienced something akin to that. Then think about how you would feel if women routinely sat around masturbating to those images. Then you will have a slight idea of what it means to be a woman in the US and trying to have a healthy relationship with sex.

Under the Flood

2010-03-13T12:35:00.000-08:00

Water defines me in many ways. I am drawn to water like a magnet. Only common sense keeps me from jumping into open water in freezing temperatures, or when it runs in a torrent. I feel a connection with the rocks bravely shouldering the force of the current.
Each day I pass over a creek on my way to and from work. Most days it is a quickly moving but very shallow stream, the pebbles clearly visible. Ducks float on its surface. For a few short days of spring I can watch fish struggle upstream to spawn.
This week the stream has been a raging torrent of muddy water as the warm weather has melted the foot of snow we had piled up from the last snow storm. Even the larger rocks are hidden under the dark water.
This made me think of how we feel overwhelmed by circumstances in our life. We want to just give up because the fight seems so hard. But we musn't forget that we are making a difference. Those rocks are changing the course of the flow, even when the water is so deep we can't see it, and so are we.

Porcine Concentration Camps

2010-03-04T04:57:00.000-08:00

I love pork, and I love pigs. Pigs are wonderful creatures. They are smart like people, and expressive like people, they like to cuddle like people. I came upon this picture from a friend's Facebook post.
After looking around the net I discovered that in many commercial industrial pig production facilities (I won't call them farms)sows are kept in crates like this most of their life.
Sows are put in farrowing crates when they have a litter. I knew about that. It helps to protect the baby pigs from crushing. They are artificially inseminated very soon after birth. When the piglets are weaned the sow goes into a crate like this. (previous practice had them go into pens w/ other sows, and they were not bred again until AFTER the piglets were weaned)

I will be carrying this picture with me. Every time I am tempted to eat bacon or sausage or a pork roast, I will look at this picture. If the pork is not verifiably from a farm that raises its pork in a compassionate, sane manner - I won't eat it.

No Profiling

2010-01-04T08:03:00.000-08:00

I hate to admit I'm prejudiced -but-
This morning I was at the laundromat. It was just me and some redneck housepainter doing his wool socks, flannel shirts and overalls. He had a crewcut, looked like he knew his way around a beer bottle and was wearing a carhardt jacket.
I didn't have anything to read so I turned on the TV. One of the public access channels was broadcasting the audio of Democracy Now. I sat down to listen to Amy tell about the travesty of justice in the Blackwater scandal, and was sort of lost in thought when the redneck says, "You watchin' this?"
Immediately I expected him to start complaining about the show and how it was bullsh** and unpatriotic and could he change the channel.
Instead he says, " kinda depressing isn't it?".
Well for the next half hour we had a conversation about the economy, industrial farming, manufactured food products, etc. We agreed that the problems were so complex it was depressing because it was hard to figure out where to start cleaning up the mess.
One place I'm going to start is on myself. I know better to assume that a redneck (a working class rural white person actually) is necessarily not progressive thinking, intellectual or liberal. For crying out loud - I'm a rural working class white person!!! So are most of my friends and family!
From now on I'm going to join in conversation with folks. Get to know a few more people and learn from everyone.

My Christmas wish

2009-12-15T09:32:00.000-08:00

Many classic Christmas cards have a scene like this on the front. A peaceful countryside showing us the beauty of God's world leading us to be thankful for our many blessings

There are those who want to change our rural landscape. Corporate interests who feed on the economic misfortune of those in rural America, promising financial gains at little or no cost.

They like to promise a lot. Money. That you'll be able to use your land for farming still. That they'll clean up after themselves.

What they don't tell you is what the process entails.

Huge drill sites where millions of gallons of water, sand and toxic chemicals will be injected into the ground under high pressure. Roads built across your property to allow access for trucks to travel in and out constantly. Lagoons to handle the toxic waste water that comes back out (some of it stays in the ground following fracture lines into the ground water.
Noise 24/7 from drill rigs, compressor buildings, truck traffic, etc. Drill sites flooded with high intensity light disturbing the silent night.
They don't tell you that these rigs can be built anywhere on your property that they want to put them - including in your front yard.

They don't tell you they have intentions to decimate your entire region with thousands of these drill pads.

Please keep New York State a beautiful place to live.
A healthy place for us to raise our children and to grow healthy, safe food for your table.

Visit Shaleshock.org for more information and to find ways you can help. Write Gov. Paterson, your state Senator, Assembly person, Congress person and US Senator and ask them to ban drilling in the Marcellus shale.

Not Blind but Still I Cannot See

2009-12-07T20:56:00.000-08:00

In "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek" Annie Dillard cites "Space and Sight" by Marius von Senden. When safe cataract surgery was developed groups of doctors traveled the country performing the operation and giving people the gift of sight for the first time in their lives.
These doctors often kept notes on their patients experience of distance and depth both before and after the surgery. These people had to learn about sight as we did as infants and have long since forgotten. Infants cannot communicate their discoveries to us so we are left to guess what they are "seeing".
Patients had a difficult time with the perception of depth and distance. It was difficult for them to understand that the world took up space beyond their visual world. The idea that some thing could be behind another object was novel.
I think of a baby learning about it's hands. They often hit themselves in the face multiple times, then cry in outrage at the self-inflicted pain. I always thought that they were learning that the hand they saw was their own. It seems they also could be learning how far away that visible hand is.
The child I babysit is learning about Mom being away in stages. First he realized that when he saw me it meant Mom was going away. Then he learned that that the kitchen is where she disappeared. Now he knows that she will come back from there too.
Is it possible that some people cannot grasp the concept that we must keep our planet healthy because they lack a type of depth perception? They cannot see ahead to where their actions lead. They cannot see that their loved ones will be in that distant world. Perhaps their depth perception is so low that they cannot feel compassion or empathy.

They are not blind but still they cannot see.

Fencing in the Who's

2009-12-05T09:40:00.000-08:00

A few years ago I started asking why the government wanted us all to move to the city? All the TV shows are about folks living in big cities or the suburbs surrounding them. Kids and young people apparently all hate the country life and want to live in Manhattan or L.A. Family life is supposedly boring at best and unbearable most of the time. Have you noticed how many movies, books, TV shows are about avoiding or wanting to avoid the family on the holidays or vacation? Why is that?

Because people are easier to manage when they are herded into large groups. Does that sound odd to you? Doesn't that cause chaos and upset? Aren't crowds dangerous? Yes in some ways they are. But herded into disparate groups and continually stirred so that strong cohesive groups such as communities and families are difficult to form, keeps a people ill at ease. Give them fake news programs to keep them fearful and add in TV shows and Facebook to distract them, and you have a populace that goes to the slaughter willingly.

Think about movies you've seen about cattle being driven across the prairie or sheep being herded into pens. The trick is to keep them moving. Don't rile them to the point that they stampede. Don't make them so fearful they forget to eat or drink. Just keep them moving so they will go where you want them to and won't form a group that will turn around a face you off or go back home.

Put little fabrications (lies) out there that make people believe you have their best interests at heart or that they will profit somehow. This is like trying to get a horse or a few pigs back into a pen. You go out with a bucket with a little grain in the bottom or maybe even just a few stones to make it sound like something inviting. Keep just enough ahead of them so they don't figure out the pail is empty, and they will follow you back into captivity.

Of course some folks have to stay behind to do the dirty work of production for industries that are taking some natural resources for profit, while destroying other resources we will need long term. Ideally these will be immigrant populations that will be happy for low paying, benefit lacking jobs, and easily cowed by threats from immigration officials - even if they are legal immigrants. If not that then the "statistically insignificant" rural population. Keep this population poor and struggling to hold together the fabric of their communities.

Is there a reason that communities of faith feel under attack? Why does most media portray religious people as stupid or out of date or superstitious? Because faith communities have in the past been well springs of action to make change - think Martin Luther King.

I'm working with a group fighting gas companies who want to extract natural gas from shale formations. The leases may bring financial relief to rural landowners if they were able and had the foresight to negotiate good leases. The public awareness of the problems inherent in this process lag the leases by about 10 years. Media coverage of the problems caused by this type of drilling out west is almost non-existent (though we ALL heard about Brittany's panties). Knowledge of the process by local lawyers was negligible at the time we were being pressured to sign up.

Our politicians are often still pressing this as a good thing for our economy (especially if the Gas Co's contribute to their campaigns). The best success so far is to get people fired up about drinking water. Drilling in the NYC watershed is now questionable because of the millions of people who depend on those reservoirs. I have even heard concerns around the watershed for cities like Syracuse. Wait a minute! In rural NYS w have wells. Our small municipalities have wells. They are drilling in OUR WATERSHED! My drinking water is as important as your drinking water. The air I breathe is as important as yours. The crops and livestock you and I eat will be grown (if that's still possible) on this land with this water. What happens here is important to all of us.

Sometimes I feel like a Who from the Horton story.
We just need everyone in Whoville to yell at the same time.
Just one more voice to make us heard through the fog.

Ache for the Land

2009-10-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

Having once put his hand into the ground
seeding there what he hopes will outlast him,
a man has made a marriage with his place,
and if he leaves it his flesh will ache to go back.
Wendell Berry

My cousins and I know what it is to ache for a place. Our fathers came from the Adirondacks, and though they may not have “put their hands into the ground” in the sense of farming, they certainly were tied to the land by hunting, fishing and love of place. Their livelihood was tied to its natural resources.

As solitary people they found solace in the quiet of the woods, though anyone who has been deep in the woods knows its quiet is not silence but an insulation from unnatural sound.

We ache to be there. If there was work to be had, we would be there. We return often and often together. Our earliest and fondest memories are of sharing family time there. We are tied to the community through experience and family stories. We spend time and energy to pass this treasure onto our children and grandchildren.

In today's urban, chaotic, move - move - move society do people still experience this attachment to place? Perhaps. I have been chased twice now by city folk who, having moved to the country, have then worked hard to bring Manhatten along with them.

I ache to go back, break up the concrete, and put my hands into the soil.

Singing Rock

2009-10-17T09:42:00.000-07:00

One of my first posts included this picture of a rock with water surging around it.
I was worrying about my position as the rock. Was I in the middle of chaos or was I the cause of the chaos? I recently came upon this quote ...... now I have more to think about.

"It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work
and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings."

— Wendell Berry

Maytag

2009-09-17T10:43:00.000-07:00

What is it with people in laundromats? I have some great laundromats in my neighborhood. They are cleaned 2x daily, the machines normally work and if they don't your money is promptly refunded. The people I see there are pretty good too. So my question is ... why do people leave their dryer sheets all over the floor? I mean - they are clean - they are yours - PICK THEM UP AND THROW THEM AWAY! What's so hard to understand about that? Oh - and while you're at it - clean the lint filter.

Be a good scout - leave it cleaner than you found it.

2009-09-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

I get really irritated in public bathrooms. How can folks be so disrespectful of others? Here's a few rules I suggest.....

If you drop a piece of toilet tissue - pick it up!
If you must line the seat with tp - throw it away or flush it!
Sit down - that's what a SEAT is for.

If you must perch, hover etc - clean up your sprinkles - you're going to wash your hands anyway -aren't you?
Flush.
Use your paper towel to wipe your puddles off the sink counter.
Throw the paper towel in the trash.
If the paper towels in the trash are piling up - use yours to push them down.
If you drop your paper towel -pick it up- and -throw it away!

If we all made respectful use of the facilities more places would let us use the facilities, we could have paper towels instead of weak winded blowers and we wouldn't have to go to automatic flushers which scare children.

Sun stroke?

2009-09-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

Today was an absolutely gorgeous summer day in CNY. The sky was clear, it wasn't too hot and the sun was shining like crazy. Walking past the bus stop I overhear 2 coeds trying to figure out where to find something so I ask if I can help. "Oh thank you", they said," we're trying to find a tanning salon." Oh - well let's see. That big yellow thing in the sky is the sun. If you stay outside, you'll get a tan. FOR FREE.

BEEP BEEP

2009-08-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to hate automatic door locks on cars. The locks that respond to a "clicker" on your key ring. Someone on this block has one. They seem to come home about 2 am, and instead of just pushing the lever inside their car, they use the remote to lock it. This wakes me up. Then sometime in the early morning, either they or another neighbor goes to school/work and they use the remote and their car goes beep-beep and wakes me up again. Couldn't we just use the key?

Behind the Handlebars

2009-08-27T05:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't written here in a long time. I have been focusing my energy on another site about farming. It is very specific so doesn't soothe the need to rant about other cultural annoyances. Another change is a life without a car. I have given up the steering wheel for handlebars. My bicycle gives me an opportunity to see things at a more "ground level" so to speak, but also requires more attention to traffic on my part with less time for musing.

I live in a small city with great pride in it's bus service. I don't have a lot of experience but it is probably very good service for such a small city. The problem with the system is also the reason the system is as good as it is.

Our small city is home to a very large University. Finances dictate (supposedly) that everything in town must revolve around and cater to the University. Buses (I looked it up, that's the plural for bus) go through campus more than anywhere else, and for longer periods of time. The buses to many of the shopping areas stop running before the stores close. So if you need to shop after work, or if you work the evening shift, you are out of luck. However if you are a student who has spent the night into the wee hours of the morning, at a local bar, there's a bus home for you.

Has Democracy Failed?

2009-06-13T06:35:00.000-07:00

I was watching a recent episode of Bill Moyer's Journal, that discussed why we can't get to Single Payer Healthcare (the insurance industry and big pharma won't let us) and why we can't fix the financial system properly (Wall Street and the banking industry won't let us). Does this mean that Democracy has failed (or is in the death throes)? At least Democracy by, for and of the people? It seems like every time our government says we can't get there from here it's because they are afraid of big money. Aren't they supposed to be more concerned about us and our vote?

I think we need some serious changes in election policy and rules, specifically in funding. I don't know how to keep elections inexpensive and balanced, and yet provide for a varied and fair candidate pool,but it's where we need to go. I'm tired of big money running my life when big money doesn't give a damn about my life.

Grocery Store Give In

2009-03-19T06:16:00.000-07:00

I was a bad person yesterday. I went shopping at a regular grocery store. I was on my way home from my Granddaughter's school and I needed a few things. The regular grocery is on that end of town. I knew once I got home I wouldn't want to head out the other end of town to the organic grocery. Besides, I just needed a couple of things. Yeah - we've all said that and then been enticed by the displays.

Fortunately, as I was on foot, I would have to show some moderation.

Well, they were having a sale on meat. Buy one get / one for free. I came home with two packages of pork chops from mistreated hogs and two packages of ground beef that could be laced with more e-coli than the body could take. Peppers shipped in from some other hemisphere and a box of cookies. The sweets are the hardest things for me to resist.

It's just so easy and so attractive at a supermarket. Whether your bad choices are bad for the environment, your health or both, as mine were. Everything is so pretty.

Oh and by the way. You know those almost clear, so lean there is no flavor pork chops you get at the store? You can grow tasty, lean pork chops by just giving the hog enough time to grow. Instead of over feeding them a special diet to hurry them to market. Slow feed them a healthy diet. They will be lean and tasty.

Late Winter Morning

2009-02-28T11:22:00.000-08:00

About 15 years ago I was standing on a friend's porch looking over the valley at our town. It was early morning and very quiet. The fog was clearing and we could see the homes and businesses starting to peek through the mist. All of a sudden it occurred to me that I could not hear a single cow. Since we lived in the farm country of rural central New York State this was indeed odd. I looked around and pointed out the different farmsteads that no longer had livestock.

In the mid 1970's when I moved to the area the small dairy farms were being replaced with larger dairies of 50 to 100 milk cows. Instead of stanchion or tie stall barns we were seeing the introduction of the free stall barn and milking parlor. These innovations allowed for more livestock to be cared for by fewer people. But these facilities often were less healthy for the animals even when operated judiciously by caring farmers. The design of the facility and the number of free roaming animals led to injuries. They were also less comfortable to work in, at least in the cold months in upstate NY, because they were wet and open without the collection of body heat from the cows. Generally these animals still had access to pasture ground even if only in the summer.

To go along with these operations were the installation of manure ponds. Namely large open ponds full of cow manure. Manure was scraped out of the free stall into a pond where it would accumulate until the farmer spread the manure on the land and plowed it under to fertilize the crops that would soon be planted. This allowed for two things, the use of less bedding under the cows reducing the volume of refuse, and timing manure spreading for the best use of its nutrients. It also helped paved the way for housing more livestock on a farm property than that property could sustain.

Now those 100 cow dairies have been replaced by farms with thousands of cows. The manure ponds have become open lagoons holding millions of gallons of cow manure. The cows spend their lives on concrete which is harmful to their legs and feet.

What happened to the other farms? Their barns stand empty or have been torn down to reduce taxes and insurance premiums. Much land lays fallow. Much of it is producing feed for the few big farms and fields for the over spreading of manure from the factory farms. Thus neighbors become financially dependent on the CAFO that is poisoning their air and wells and ground water, and draining local aquifers and streams.

For a very clear portrayal of this phenomena in an area that was ambushed by large hog facilities, go to WWW.aswesow.com

Oh Poop!

2009-02-10T08:11:00.000-08:00

Let's say you live on a nice piece of property in a small community. Let's say I bought a piece of property next door to you. Let's say I built an apartment complex that housed 4000 people. Now let's say that to handle the sewage I built a large pond. Open to the air. Somewhat vulnerable to run off.

Are you happy with me? Are you happy with the governmental bodies that say this is OK?

Now let's say that once or twice a year I spread this sewage so thickly on the fields around you that it looks like someone has troweled on black cement.

Are you happy now?

Local governments have done a lot in my area to correct inadequate sewer systems for homes. The new regulations concerning pumping tanks, and adequate leach fields help to control standing water and runoff issues and to protect our wells and waterways. Systems that were adequate when we bathed less often and used wringer washers that reused water for several loads, needed to be updated for our current habits of daily showers, dishwashers and changing clothes for every activity.

Manure handling on livestock facilities have not changed much. Manure lagoons were a good idea, allowing for manure to be stored and then spread at optimal times for crop fertilization, with the idea of immediate plowing under to reduce loss of nitrogen to the air, and runoff. These systems were developed when the farms in my area had 50 to 100 head of milking cows.

Are they sufficient for a facility that houses 100 times that many?

More later on how these facilities impact the financial lives of their neighbors.

Christmas for Soprano Recorder

2008-12-28T14:59:00.000-08:00

For Christmas, my son, gave a recorder and instruction booklets to me and my two grandchildren (note: neither of these children are his, nor do they live near him). If you are not familiar with the recorder, it is a small plastic flute like instrument that is played similarly to a clarinet. It is prone to squeaking. It can be very loud. It is difficult to play quietly. My grandchildren are seven years old.

I live in a very small studio apartment in the upstairs of a house. My landlord, a dignified middle age man, lives in the rest of the house. The walls are so thin we sometimes find ourselves whistling the same tune.

My eldest daughter and my grandaughter live in a small four unit apartment building. It seems to be well insulated. I don't usually hear what her neighbors are up to except in the summer when everyone's windows are open. My daughter does not tolerate noise or discord well at all.

My grandson and his Mom live upstairs in a duplex home she owns. This daughter embodies chaos. The downstairs tenants are young men in their twenties whose tastes run to vidieo games like Halo and the guitar game.

Who do you suppose will kill my son first?

a) my landlord

b) daughter number one

c) daughter number one's neighbors?

I'll keep you posted.....

What's to Come?

2008-11-11T06:54:00.000-08:00

A terrifying thought came to me the other day. I thought about what my daughters' answers would be if I asked them "how many marriages do you know that have worked?". I did ask my oldest and my fears were confirmed when I saw her face screw up in thought. Now - given that they are old enough to consider whether or not a marriage is "working" whether or not the coupe has stayed married. Still, at their age, I would have had to think hard to think of marriages that had failed. That's quite a change in one generation.

Growing up there were no divorces in the extended family I knew. I didn't have a friend from a divorced home until I was in 7th grade. I did have several friends who were living with widowed parents. Our parents were the WWII generation so that's not so surprising.

What does this mean in terms of the future? Certainly marriage has not been killed by the prospect of same sex marriage. We hetero's have done a bang up job of killing our marriages all by ourselves.

What happened?

Is there hope or is marriage an un-natural state?

Is there a new marriage formula in the winds?

What are/will be the expectations of today's children?

Touch

2008-06-19T05:43:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to be touched? How does it change one? And how does how we are touched change us? What is the effect of who touches us in what ways?
I recently experienced two instances of being touched that made me ask these questions. We have all heard and read about the devastating effects of being touched sexually by the wrong person, at the wrong age or in a wrong way. In these cases I am reflecting on appropriate touch by welcomed persons, in non-sexual circumstances.
I was busy at work one afternoon when a former co-worker, whom I consider a friend, came into our building. He walked up beside me, put his arm around my shoulder, his head near mine and gave me a hug. I was struck by the warmth and intimacy of the hug. It was truly friendly. It was not the perfunctory hug we often give to friends, this person was glad to see me again.
The other episode happened at my church after I had been away traveling for several months. There were hugs all around from my friends whom I had surprised by coming home at least a month early. My women friends squealed and giggled accordingly. There were the warm quick hugs allowed between married friends after we all reach a certain age.
One gentleman took my face in his hands, looked me in the face and smiled. Those three actions made the difference. How long had it been since someone other than my grandchildren had touched my face? How often do we really look at someone in the face? How often do we really look at someone and smile at them?
A divorced friend of mine said the first thing she had to learn was that she would not die if she had no one to hold and touch her. Of course infants will die. They can be provided with every nourishment they need, but without touch they will languish and die. I disagree with my friend. I believe adults also languish and die in a way without touch. We become distorted in some way. As adults we have the ability to substitute the touch of an animal, a warm bath or ourselves. Without a positive substitution we become bitter, closed off from ourselves and others, and very lonely.
The current attention is on inappropriate touch, and Lord knows there is way to much of that, but think what a pat on the back, a soft touch on the arm or a smile might do for those we meet through our day. If touch might be considered an invasion of propriety, then try looking at your friend, customer, co-worker, in the face and smile. Perhaps we should start each day doing the same for ourselves. Look yourself in the mirror and smile. It might be the best medicine you'll have all day. And hey - a hug might be nice too.

A New Person

2008-04-16T05:11:00.000-07:00

We are home a month early from our retreat to the south. Yeah the temperatures are colder and we have had a little snow but it is good to be home to our peaceful rural town with little or no traffic and lots of quiet. And good to be in easy reach of our Grankids.

It has been difficult for me to deal with almost nothing to do. Hey how long does it take to clean an RV from stem to stern? I have been crocheting for charity and family and have taught myself to knit, but even that feels like sloughing off after years of working long hours.

Yesterday I felt like a new woman. In the north we have the luxury of hooking up on a large piece of property owned by our friends. We are close enough to easily be together and far enough to have privacy and alone time. I have been given the gift of a large chunk of ground to garden. Yesterday was my first day to play in the dirt.

I am cleaning out a section around some trees and adding the ground around the water hook up so it doesn't need to be mowed. Plans are for an area for each of the grandkids, a sandbox and swing set, a place for the picnic table, flowers, some veggies and to clean up around the berry bushes.

I feel alive and with a sense of purpose. I love working out of doors and I love gardening. My husband loves being left alone in front of the TV set. I sat out until late at night by the campfire and today the Grands are coming to play in the dirt too. Life is good!

The State of Daycare

2008-03-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

What is it with the state of daycare? At least in my part of the country. For one thing they are open limited hours so that if you work a regular 40 hour week it is very difficult to get there in time to pick your child up after work, and heaven forbid if your boss needs you to do overtime, or if you work nontraditional hours.
The biggest puzzle to me is how often they are closed. In our county most daycares are closed EVERY time that the public schools are closed. Holidays, snow days, vacations, parent-teacher conference, etc. Just at the time when the need for daycare swells, most of the daycares close, and most employers will not let you bring your child to work with you, often for good reasons.
Now how many people can take off that much time from work? Even if you used all your sick, optional and vacation days? Not to mention that you would then not have the days to use if you or your child are sick.
This has become a major problem for my children since Gandma and Grampa don't live in the same town anymore. The kids try to swap off as much as they can but that puts a strain on the one who works nights, as she can nap when her own child is home but not when both kids are there.
The schools have after school programs but not enough to cover all the children who need them, and that does not help with the days school is closed.
Are there communities out there who have solved this problem? I'd like to hear about them

Fuzzy Logic

2008-03-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

As you can see I have not been on-line for a while and have fallen behind on my writing. I haven't exactly started my new life either. A bout with a particularly nasty bacteria requiring an incision and potent antibiotics and pain killers has left me struggling to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes at a time. I managed to literally plow my way through a couple of easy books, but that's all. Yesterday was the first day I didn't sleep most of the afternoon away.
I really can't complain much. I received very good emergency health care from some wonderful people who helped me to relax and get through some painful experiences. Being sick while away from home brings it's own concerns but I must say everything went very well and they even handled my insurance company.
It is interesting how bad an antibiotic can make you feel. There is of course the upset stomach, but also tiredness and a foggy brain. I'm not sure how much of that is from the infection and how much from the drugs.
I do not have experience with recreational drugs. I am too afraid of losing control. I do have experience with prescription drugs for depression. I can't recommend any of them. They all seem to make me sleepy. I always tell the doctor ," I can be lazy all on my own, what I need is something to get me going". I have a feeling I would love uppers, but so far have not tried them other than being a coffee freak, and an adrenalin junkie. I always wait til the last minute and then the pressure of a deadline usually gets me going.
So here's to good health and clear thinking, may you have it and enjoy it.

Retirement Rag

2008-02-15T05:00:00.000-08:00

The first day of the rest of my life was almost a week ago. As I remember it was a day filled with promise and warm fuzzy memories, as well as the flurry of last minute packing and travel plans. Now, a week later, I am just returning to the task of my new life.
I have just retired after 26 years with a major company. A small fish in the small pool of the local office. Well known for my tenacity and ability to solve small problems. What's wrong with the copier, where are the labels for this printer, this program isn't working , etc? Also well known for speaking my opinion and fighting for my vision of fairness or ethics. Hence, still the small fish.
I had a wonderful send off by my coworkers. Lots of heartfelt warm wishes. Suggestions on where to go and what to see. Gifts of road atlases with destinations highlighted and one with directions on how to get back home.
Now it's time to start living that new life, and I am afraid I am going to botch it up as much as I did the first one. My husband who retired several years ago is all about doing nothing. He calls it doing whatever he wants and if that happens to be nothing, then to hell with it. I am concerned with not accomplishing anything.
There is so much I want to do, things to see, people to meet, activities to try. I am afraid I will be caught up in this relaxed atmosphere and wake up to find I am eighty years old and dying, and still not have made a difference.
So...on to the fray. Get something done...... For goodness sake, at least put on my sneakers and go for a walk......Talk to you later

Marriage: contract or covenant?

2008-01-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

Do you see marriage as a contract (1) or as a covenant (2)? I am not saying that one or the other type of marriage is necessarily better than the other. The problem would likely come if one partner sees it as business and the other sees it as covenant. Of course there are some “marriages” that are completely for business and I suppose my use of parentheses betrays my prejudice. “Now wait a minute” you say. “We're in love! We're not in some kind of business deal!” I think it is the fog of love that keeps us from recognizing and reconciling our different points of view.
Even with premarital counseling we may not recognize our differences in attitudes, or even understand our own. After thirty years of marriage this thought has just come to me. I would have said that marriage is spiritual, but what does that mean?
I might have said that marriage is an endeavor(3) like climbing a mountain. Once we have undertaken climbing Mt. Everest, we will go to extreme lengths to see that everyone makes it back down alive. I don't think there is much haggling over the fine print at twenty thousand feet. “I hired you to carry a seventy pound pack and now you have a broken leg – you're fired!”
In an endeavor we put ourselves all out. We risk injury and loss. We accept pain and bruising. (I am not advocating acceptance of physical abuse here) Think of an athlete who trains hard and works to avoid injury, but also works through injuries when they happen.
Joseph Campbell said, “Marriage is not a simple love affair, it's an ordeal, and the ordeal is the sacrifice of ego to a relationship in which two have become one.”(4) My interpretation is that the marriage is the greater idea to which both parties sacrifice themselves in covenant. Marriage is the endeavor. Marriage is the mountain we climb. And of course not all endeavors are successful. Not everyone makes it to the summit. Or perhaps those endeavors are successful even though the proposed goal was not achieved. Perhaps the endeavor is in the work, not the goal.
In an individual marriage we may not think about how the trappings reflect our beliefs. Was the marriage in a church because that's where marriages happen or because the church was an integral part of our concept of marriage? Perhaps the marriage was officiated by a minister though not in a church. Were these decisions purposefully made or made to appease someone? Was the marriage a quickie wedding in Las Vegas but in our heart was a commitment to a higher purpose. There are many reasons why our marriage ceremony may or may not have been in a particular setting. The question is were we, or are we, aware of the psychological context in which we and our partner entered the marriage.
I think these distinctions may not come to the forefront until serious difficulties enter the relationship. Recognizing the differences or similarities in our attitudes toward marriage can help us in coming to terms with the issues. It helps to know if we are on the same page or not. It may help to recognize whether reconciliation is possible or not.
So, this is an invitation to think about it. What page are you on? Are you sure? How about your partner, or partner to be? Has your perspective changed over the years?

(1) contract – Definition: An voluntary agreement between two or more parties to provide specified goods or services in exchange for some payment. (oldmbherald.com)
(2) covenant – Covenant begins with a promise – not to a set of conditions- but to a person. A covenant is a promise of love, loyalty and faithfulness. A covenant precedes, and is larger than, the covenanting parties. They do not negotiate the terms of the covenant. Rather , they acknowledge and commit themselves to terms that are already there in the nature of the covenant relationship. (oldmbherald.com)
(3) endeavor - Definition: An exertion of physical or intellectual strength toward the attainment of an object; a systematic or continuous attempt; an effort; a trial (ardictionary.com)
(4)http://thinkexist.com/quotation/marriage_is_not_a_simple_love_affair-it-s_an/254585.html)

2008-01-27T12:34:00.000-08:00

I am a rock large and heavy solid in the stream bed
water pouring around me I see the turmoil I created?
And worry I can't see what is wrong yet I feel
responsible

This photograph calls to me. It seems representative of my life. I am a big heavy rock planted in the middle of the stream. The world surges around me and bubbles up in front of me. I am helpless to stop the chaos, and yet I am the cause of the chaos. Am I where I belong? Is it my job to stir things up? Or do I just enjoy it. If I enjoy it, and at many levels I must admit I do, then I must accept that I am the cause of the turmoil that I dislike also.
I keep thinking of the other stones in the stream that do not disrupt the flow. Those pictures of water slipping tranquilly over pebbles and sand. Why can't I be like those? Serene. Peaceful. Then my ire comes up and I view them with disdain. They have given up, warn down, bested by the water, smothered in sand. But then again, perhaps they are each doing their part. I know that they affect the flow also. Together their effect adds up, they support each other.
How do we know when to be the rock in the stream and when to snuggle down and take as well as lend support? How do we know if we are creating havoc, or protecting something from it?
I have begun to listen to “A Course in Miracles” again. The recent lessons have been on recognizing that what we see around us is our creation. We have created what we fear/wish to destroy. It is not really there. Yet I know that if I turn and see a child reaching into a fire, I need to intervene, it is not enough to say it is an illusion.

Turn Off the Damn Lights

2008-01-15T07:54:00.000-08:00

Last night was a beautiful warm spring night. Not bad for the 8th of January. Close to 50F and still. Our apartment was very warm due to the fact that the downstairs tenant keeps hers like a sauna. We were relegated to opening windows to keep the temperature below 75F. At around 3am I escaped to the deck because my head had turned to concrete.
The deck looks out over an open field, the lake, and the hills beyond. The sky was mostly clear and the stars were out. The view was ruined by the abundance of lights left burning, and I must admit one of them was ours.

I can see probably 20 miles of the hillside across the lake and 10 or so of shoreline. The section directly across from me was marred by bright lights on porches and over front doors and a section of street light size lamps along the lake. The lights along the lake were the new brighter pink lamps that I have always found annoying.
The next section of hillside also had it's smattering of lights. Each was less bright. I think the difference was the use of regular light bulbs vs. floodlights. A little further up it was almost black, and then further up, where I believe there is another town, the lights were bright again.
I wished the lights could be turned off so that I could see the sky better, and so that it would be generally more peaceful. Every time I see one of those satellite photos that show the lights burning on earth it angers me to no end. What the hell are we so afraid of? Isn't the waste of money and fuel and the impending effects of global warming more frightening?
When I was a kid we lived at the end of a dead end road. There was a street light at the end in town, but no others. At the time the only houses were the ones that had been there forever. They were either set back from the road, or behind tall trees, often evergreens. Our house stood back on a long drive way.
At night if there was no moon and the clouds covered the stars, it became dark very fast. We thought nothing of it. We could sense the opening between the trees, and if we got too close to the edge of the road by foot or bicycle ,we would feel the gravel and move back onto the roadway.
When I was in junior high they began to build a development at the end of the road. Fifteen houses built on a swamp that buried two cement trucks and more than one foundation. One day on the school bus the local rowdies were bragging about traveling through construction sights like this breaking windows and stealing things. I questioned that nothing like this was happening on my street. They looked at me incredulously and said “Are you kidding? It's dark down there!”. Darkness was our protection. Light and shadow make for hiding places.
I have often wondered about the policy of leaving so many lights on in storefronts overnight that one can't tell if the business is opened or closed. If I was driving by at 3am and saw someone inside, I would assume it was someone cleaning or stocking shelves.
So turn off the damn lights. Save energy, money and resources, and see the sky for a change.

More on HEARING the story

2008-01-05T07:32:00.000-08:00

Last time I talked about hearing the story of baby Jesus escape to Egypt in a new way. This week I have been watching archived video casts from Bill Moyers' series on Faith and Reason. http://www.pbs.org/moyers/faithandreason/index.html

I was listening to the the interview with Ann Provost, a Belgian writer who was speaking of hearing the story of Noah from the perspective of those left behind. http://www.pbs.org/moyers/faithandreason/portraits_provoost.html

Her interest was particularly with the innocent such as children and animals. She spoke of a children's book by Peter Spier. In Mr Spier's "Noah's Ark", she described a series of illustrations of the animals left behind on the beach. At first you see that their feet are wet. The next frame shows all water except for the tip of the elephant's trunk and the giraffe's nostrils. And the next frame is just water. I have not seen the book yet and I am wondering about the effect these illustrations have on children. Perhaps the tone of the book, like other Bible stories for children (and adults) leads to a blind acceptance of this horrible fate.
She asks why didn't the adults or at least some of these "righteous" people give up their spot on the ark for a child? And some might say, why not leave the animals off and take many children?
Let me say here that I neither take the story of Noah's Ark literally, nor do I dismiss it. I don't know whether it is simply a story told by men trying to make sense of a past event, or a moral fable that gives us a way to think of disasters in general. I believe the Bible gives us opportunities to think about and relate to God and our world, but it is not a blueprint with exact measurements and descriptions of how things did or will happen.
Let's suppose that the effects of global warming, if allowed to continue, will lead to a disaster of Biblical proportions. Some people will listen to the warnings and prepare. Some will ignore them. Some will hope for a miracle.
Who would you save? And what would be the practicalities of your preparations. You would have to limit who and what you take by issues of space, needs and skills. If you filled your ark with children, who would care for them? If only animals, who would care for them? The ark is a mixture of saving family, saving those who can care for the ark and the animals, and those who can tend to the animals and plants after the water recedes and replenish the earth.
It is also possible that the story is about Noah's ark, and that other arks or method's of surviving also existed.
Because the story is presented as an event that God creates out of the blue, we also want God to wave a magic wand and save the innocent. Like global warming, or Hurricane Katrina, these disasters do not come out of the blue. We do have warnings. And the innocent suffer because we don't heed the warnings.

Have you HEARD the post Christmas story?

2007-12-30T10:00:00.000-08:00

I'm in church this morning sitting with the congregation instead of in the choir loft. The little children go forward for their story and the minister tells them, I mean really tells them, the story of Herod killing all the babies under two years of age. Now why would you tell little children this story?
I guess it was my shock that made me really hear the story for the first time.
The Wise Men go to Herod to ask the whereabouts of the child they are looking for. When they tell Herod this child will become a king he asks them to return after they have found him and let Herod know, so he can go worship him. Of course God intercedes and tells the Wise Men to go home a different way. When Herod realizes he has been duped he commands that all babies under the age of 2 be murdered. Jesus is saved because God sends an angel to warn Joseph in a dream and they escape to Egypt (the other place God let babies be killed).

So today I hear that God saved his son, and lets the other children die.

I also started to think about the likelihood that Herod couldn't find the child without the help of the Wise Men. (and why didn't he just have them followed?) So in this small country, in a little town, in a stable, a baby is born, under the light of a star so bright that Kings are following it from far lands. Subsequently the sky is filled with a crowd of angels singing praises and shepherds come down from the hillside to see what's going on. All of this in a town filled to overflowing with people from all over.

Don't you think even using word of mouth the news of what was going on would have reached Herod? Or did he just ignore the intelligence reports?

Saturday morning cops.

2007-12-15T06:38:00.000-08:00

8a.m. Sat. I'm taking my daughter to work. We're enjoying a nice conversation and a leisurely drive through campus where the streets are for once empty because most of the kids have gone home(?) for the holidays and besides they aren't up that early. What a pleasure to be able to actually enjoy the beauty of the campus without fear that 50-100 college kids, old enough to know better, will dart out into the road at a moments notice. Actually "dart" is way too active a statement, this should be "meander" out into the roadway like a stoned flock of sheep, focused only on their ipod, cell phone or whatever.

Sorry, I got distracted. This is a sore and hot topic for me. Forget school zones and crossing guards at elementary schools, any five year old knows how to cross a street better than these college kids, we need crossing guards on campus.

Anyway, so a bored campus police officer pulls me over because I didn't use my turn signal when pulling into a parking lot off of a deserted street. Now I deserved it, but..... (A) What takes you so long back there in your cop car? and (B) was the coffee klotch with the three other bored campus officers who drove by really necessary?

When you finally came up with my ticket and then asked if I had any questions (damn right I do but I'm not stupid enough to actually ask them and give you something else to fill out your morning and brag about back at the station (do campus cops have a station?) when you bust me for being uncooperative and surly (of course I'm surly, it's 8 a.m. and I need a cup of coffee!) I wanted to ask, "Do you ever hand out tickets to the multitudes of pedestrians committing traffic violations and creating hazardous driving conditions? If you really wanted to fill your quota, make some money in fines, AND improve the quality and safety of everyone on campus, I'd suggest that. One day a month (bring a couple of extra ticket books) and you could meet your quota, bring in a ton of fines, and stop a lot of accidents. I bet within one semester the problems would be virtually erased.