What does it mean to be touched? How does it change one? And how does how we are touched change us? What is the effect of who touches us in what ways?
I recently experienced two instances of being touched that made me ask these questions. We have all heard and read about the devastating effects of being touched sexually by the wrong person, at the wrong age or in a wrong way. In these cases I am reflecting on appropriate touch by welcomed persons, in non-sexual circumstances.
I was busy at work one afternoon when a former co-worker, whom I consider a friend, came into our building. He walked up beside me, put his arm around my shoulder, his head near mine and gave me a hug. I was struck by the warmth and intimacy of the hug. It was truly friendly. It was not the perfunctory hug we often give to friends, this person was glad to see me again.
The other episode happened at my church after I had been away traveling for several months. There were hugs all around from my friends whom I had surprised by coming home at least a month early. My women friends squealed and giggled accordingly. There were the warm quick hugs allowed between married friends after we all reach a certain age.
One gentleman took my face in his hands, looked me in the face and smiled. Those three actions made the difference. How long had it been since someone other than my grandchildren had touched my face? How often do we really look at someone in the face? How often do we really look at someone and smile at them?
A divorced friend of mine said the first thing she had to learn was that she would not die if she had no one to hold and touch her. Of course infants will die. They can be provided with every nourishment they need, but without touch they will languish and die. I disagree with my friend. I believe adults also languish and die in a way without touch. We become distorted in some way. As adults we have the ability to substitute the touch of an animal, a warm bath or ourselves. Without a positive substitution we become bitter, closed off from ourselves and others, and very lonely.
The current attention is on inappropriate touch, and Lord knows there is way to much of that, but think what a pat on the back, a soft touch on the arm or a smile might do for those we meet through our day. If touch might be considered an invasion of propriety, then try looking at your friend, customer, co-worker, in the face and smile. Perhaps we should start each day doing the same for ourselves. Look yourself in the mirror and smile. It might be the best medicine you'll have all day. And hey - a hug might be nice too.
I recently experienced two instances of being touched that made me ask these questions. We have all heard and read about the devastating effects of being touched sexually by the wrong person, at the wrong age or in a wrong way. In these cases I am reflecting on appropriate touch by welcomed persons, in non-sexual circumstances.
I was busy at work one afternoon when a former co-worker, whom I consider a friend, came into our building. He walked up beside me, put his arm around my shoulder, his head near mine and gave me a hug. I was struck by the warmth and intimacy of the hug. It was truly friendly. It was not the perfunctory hug we often give to friends, this person was glad to see me again.
The other episode happened at my church after I had been away traveling for several months. There were hugs all around from my friends whom I had surprised by coming home at least a month early. My women friends squealed and giggled accordingly. There were the warm quick hugs allowed between married friends after we all reach a certain age.
One gentleman took my face in his hands, looked me in the face and smiled. Those three actions made the difference. How long had it been since someone other than my grandchildren had touched my face? How often do we really look at someone in the face? How often do we really look at someone and smile at them?
A divorced friend of mine said the first thing she had to learn was that she would not die if she had no one to hold and touch her. Of course infants will die. They can be provided with every nourishment they need, but without touch they will languish and die. I disagree with my friend. I believe adults also languish and die in a way without touch. We become distorted in some way. As adults we have the ability to substitute the touch of an animal, a warm bath or ourselves. Without a positive substitution we become bitter, closed off from ourselves and others, and very lonely.
The current attention is on inappropriate touch, and Lord knows there is way to much of that, but think what a pat on the back, a soft touch on the arm or a smile might do for those we meet through our day. If touch might be considered an invasion of propriety, then try looking at your friend, customer, co-worker, in the face and smile. Perhaps we should start each day doing the same for ourselves. Look yourself in the mirror and smile. It might be the best medicine you'll have all day. And hey - a hug might be nice too.
